I left China last Friday, that's why I did not have the time to write here. I left China and I feel a part of me stayed there, it feels weird. It was a very long trip, from the moment we left the Hospital until we got home, took some twenty nine hours. It was a little over two hours to go from Hangzhou to Shanghai where we flew thirteen and a half hours to Atlanta, Georgia. We had a three-hour layover in Atlanta, which turned into five because they had to close the airport due to very bad weather around the area; a very long day after all.
I got home at around 2AM but I was able to sleep during the long flight so it didn't feel that bad. In any case, 2AM here in Miami, but my body was already set to the far away eastern time zone, so it was really 2PM. I was a bit worried that it was going to be hard to go to sleep, but I worked around it and it just went fine.
When I got home, the first thing I saw was beautiful bottle of an eighteen-year old Buchanans, my favorite scotch, which my beloved brother Guillermo had left for me as a welcome gift. As you might recall, I only had a few beers during my trip (and may I say, terrible Chinese beer) so the small detail turned into a big surprise. Simple things my friends, simple things. After setting up all the luggage inside the house, I poured some over ice, no water, just ice, and enjoyed the amazing moment while relaxing and thinking about my past thirty days. It felt weird; I felt weird. There was a very strange mood around me, even the air smelled different. I kept thinking about China, with my eyes closed, and thanked for having such a wonderful opportunity. I realized how different this journey had been, but not because of the purpose of the trip, that is just obvious, but how it had changed me. And change is a process, a very complicated one, so everything that is going through my mind is completely opposite to what I expected. My mind is taking long and complex shifts, not even knowing what is it that I really want. But so I read, it is completely normal and expected and it should be OK in time, just more patience and it will come.
It is obvious that the first thing I did when I woke up (and after taking a shower of course) was to run and pick up my kids which I missed so badly. I felt the urgent need to see them, hug them kiss them. I missed them so much it was starting to bother me, but after some forty eight minutes driving, I got to do all that! The very next thing would be to grab some lunch, after all I had not eaten for a long time. So I met Guillermo my brother at our favorite restaurant, Graziano's of Coral Gables, an Argentinian steak house comparable to none and we all had lunch. There, I satisfied some other important needs I have missed for so long; a perfect cut Vacío (Argentinian Imported Flank Steak) which cannot be left out without a perfect Muga Reserva (a Rioja, red wine from Spain) to go with it. It was a meal I cherished from the moment I left, and I got to enjoy it so much and in such good company. The third thing I missed very much as well was my office, and that I get to do this Monday; maybe you don't get me, but I can't wait to go work!
Now that we are back, we have to play the waiting game. According to the doctors, we will see some improvement on Marujita after three months following the treatment, so patience is required. I am pretty sure everything will go as planned, but obviously you always want things to happen now, no waiting. So I will follow some of the principles I studied while in China, and I will live the moment and not worry about the future. I will remember China as one of the things that made an impact on my life, and I will enjoy those memories because they are nothing but good. A dream of happiness my dad would say, and tomorrow, a vision of hope.
I am extremely grateful to everybody and I cannot thank you enough for all your messages of optimism and hope. I was there alone, physically yes, but thanks to you I felt surrounded of your good and positive spirit and that is more than any human being can ask for. I kept thinking on the purpose of the trip and some words kept coming to mind. My beautiful mother always had to say this, but in Spanish, so I don't know if it will make much sense: the worst effort is that which you do not make. And it is so true, we just have to move, to shake our world, to go out and do it. Period.
I will leave you for know, I have to prepare breakfast for the kids who are very particular at this important meal. Pancakes, eggs, bacon, orange juice, the works! I will see you soon, love you unconditionally, always and forever.
Tuto.38
About Me
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Por La Amistad (Spanish Only)
Para mi gran sorpresa, algo increible acaba de ocurrir. Acabo de recibir un email con un documento anexo que sencillamante no podía creer. Trata de un email que envié hace ya once años a mis dos queridos hermanos, Alejandro Burgaña y Othman Gamero. Realmente no recuerdo el por qué, solo recuerdo el motivo por el cual escribía ese email; estaba celebrándo quince años de amistad con ellos.
Para quienes no saben, yo entré en el Colegio San Ignacio para primer año de bachillerato, proveniente del Jefferson Academy. Mis dos primeros amigos, ya adivinaron, ellos dos. El Colegio San Ignacio de Loyola definitivamente está en mi "top five" de las mejores cosas que me han pasado en la vida, y me siento una persona con mucha fortuna por haber tenido esa oportunidad. De cinco colegios a los cuales apliqué y fuí aceptado, el Colegio San Ignacio fué la constante insistencia por parte de Maruja. Poco sabía ella el gran impacto que eso iba a causar y no solo por el tiempo que estuve ahí, sino por el legado que eso ha dejado.
Todavía, después de veinte años de graduados, celebramos una vez al año el ser Ignacianos, a través de un día familiar en Miami donde participan todos los exalumnos del colegio; somos aproximadamente 100 familias, es algo increible.
Entonces yo creo que todo ésto dejó mucho, porque como muy bien dice Othman, el destino nos unió a los tres finalmente, en la misma ciudad y a no más de quince minutos en carro (eso dice Burgaña...). Todo pasa por un motivo, cada vez creo más en eso porque cuando comenzamos a poner todas las piezas juntas de éste rompecabezas infinito, todo comienza a hacer un sentido increible.
Acá los dejo con el email que escribí hace once años, celebrándo mi amistad de quince años con ellos:
QUINCE AÑOS DE AMISTAD > Por Carlos F. Lahrssen > Para: Alejandro Burgana y Othman Gamero
Con doce apenas con que contar, a un mundo nuevo acabo de llegar. "Colegio San Ignacio" comentaban los de gran conocer, un buen colegio decian todos los demas.
En una tarde Caraqueña como cualquier otra, un descanso merecido nos acaban de dar, claro, los tan reconocidos Apostoles de nuestra institucion "los padres" del Colegio San Ignacio se les solia llamar.
Se acercan dos individuos con una gran peculiaridad: me pregunto, quien es el blanco que la playa debe desconocer, quien es el que tanto habla que no deja al blanco hablar. "Que mas chamo?" en sentido coloquial dice el blanco cuando el otro lo dejo hablar. Alejandro Burgaña, pero me dicen Burga; Othman Gamero, pulga. Que tal? contesto yo, Carlos F. Lahrssen, Tuto. Quince años. Quince años fueron creados en tal anterior minuto coloquial. Quince años llenos de verdad, quince de honestidad. Pero mas importante aun, QUINCE ANOS DE AMISTAD.
Para unos fue, aquel hermano que nunca sus padres trajeron. Para otros fue, dos hermanos aun mas con que contar. Contar sin que importe la cuenta, porque en realidad se resume todo en QUINCE ANOS DE AMISTAD.
A Dios gracias le tengo que dar, pero ni Dios sabe en que cantidad. Por lo mismo expreso mi extremada gratificacion, a mis dos amigos por QUINCE ANOS de amistad.
Siendo esta una extraña ocasion, mis ajenas palabras anteriores quedan resumidas en la siguiente expresion: Son mis dos hijos de puta mejores amigos del alma, son mis hermanos, son mis mejores QUINCE ANOS DE AMISTAD. Son el apoyo que siempre me hizo falta y que siempre me hara; son los mejores panas que cualquiera quisiera tener. No, maricon, no estoy rascado, estoy disfrutando hoy, 16 de agosto 1998, de QUINCE ANOS DE AMISTAD!!!!!!
Y una historia tan larga queda resumida, porque solo una palabra describe el puro sentido de esta intencion. Amistad.
Ahora si a Dios gracias doy, por el tiempo que queda y no por el que paso. Por aquel dia Caraqueño que nuestras vidas cambio, cuando el par de individuos a mi se presento. Burgaña, Pulga, y? "Y?", no existe razon, valor, diccionario, enciclopedia, u otra forma de definicion que a tal simple letra significado le puedan dar, mas que claro para nosotros tres, "Quince Años de Amistad".
>>Sinceramente,>>>Carlos F. Lahrssen> (Tuto)
Ésto es sencillamente increible "...por el tiempo que queda y por el que pasó..." veintiséis años después y acá estamos juntos, prácticamente en la misma redoma; el tiempo que queda...
Bueno, un nota referente a la amistad, cortesía de Othman que no sé que pacto tendrá con Steve Case y logró excavar lo suficientement profundo para encontrar algo así. Por la amistad, por mis amigos, mis hermanos, y por Angelito que sencillamente hay que nombrar.
Un abrazo a todos y se les quiere profundamente, eternamente.
Tuto.38
Para quienes no saben, yo entré en el Colegio San Ignacio para primer año de bachillerato, proveniente del Jefferson Academy. Mis dos primeros amigos, ya adivinaron, ellos dos. El Colegio San Ignacio de Loyola definitivamente está en mi "top five" de las mejores cosas que me han pasado en la vida, y me siento una persona con mucha fortuna por haber tenido esa oportunidad. De cinco colegios a los cuales apliqué y fuí aceptado, el Colegio San Ignacio fué la constante insistencia por parte de Maruja. Poco sabía ella el gran impacto que eso iba a causar y no solo por el tiempo que estuve ahí, sino por el legado que eso ha dejado.
Todavía, después de veinte años de graduados, celebramos una vez al año el ser Ignacianos, a través de un día familiar en Miami donde participan todos los exalumnos del colegio; somos aproximadamente 100 familias, es algo increible.
Entonces yo creo que todo ésto dejó mucho, porque como muy bien dice Othman, el destino nos unió a los tres finalmente, en la misma ciudad y a no más de quince minutos en carro (eso dice Burgaña...). Todo pasa por un motivo, cada vez creo más en eso porque cuando comenzamos a poner todas las piezas juntas de éste rompecabezas infinito, todo comienza a hacer un sentido increible.
Acá los dejo con el email que escribí hace once años, celebrándo mi amistad de quince años con ellos:
QUINCE AÑOS DE AMISTAD > Por Carlos F. Lahrssen > Para: Alejandro Burgana y Othman Gamero
Con doce apenas con que contar, a un mundo nuevo acabo de llegar. "Colegio San Ignacio" comentaban los de gran conocer, un buen colegio decian todos los demas.
En una tarde Caraqueña como cualquier otra, un descanso merecido nos acaban de dar, claro, los tan reconocidos Apostoles de nuestra institucion "los padres" del Colegio San Ignacio se les solia llamar.
Se acercan dos individuos con una gran peculiaridad: me pregunto, quien es el blanco que la playa debe desconocer, quien es el que tanto habla que no deja al blanco hablar. "Que mas chamo?" en sentido coloquial dice el blanco cuando el otro lo dejo hablar. Alejandro Burgaña, pero me dicen Burga; Othman Gamero, pulga. Que tal? contesto yo, Carlos F. Lahrssen, Tuto. Quince años. Quince años fueron creados en tal anterior minuto coloquial. Quince años llenos de verdad, quince de honestidad. Pero mas importante aun, QUINCE ANOS DE AMISTAD.
Para unos fue, aquel hermano que nunca sus padres trajeron. Para otros fue, dos hermanos aun mas con que contar. Contar sin que importe la cuenta, porque en realidad se resume todo en QUINCE ANOS DE AMISTAD.
A Dios gracias le tengo que dar, pero ni Dios sabe en que cantidad. Por lo mismo expreso mi extremada gratificacion, a mis dos amigos por QUINCE ANOS de amistad.
Siendo esta una extraña ocasion, mis ajenas palabras anteriores quedan resumidas en la siguiente expresion: Son mis dos hijos de puta mejores amigos del alma, son mis hermanos, son mis mejores QUINCE ANOS DE AMISTAD. Son el apoyo que siempre me hizo falta y que siempre me hara; son los mejores panas que cualquiera quisiera tener. No, maricon, no estoy rascado, estoy disfrutando hoy, 16 de agosto 1998, de QUINCE ANOS DE AMISTAD!!!!!!
Y una historia tan larga queda resumida, porque solo una palabra describe el puro sentido de esta intencion. Amistad.
Ahora si a Dios gracias doy, por el tiempo que queda y no por el que paso. Por aquel dia Caraqueño que nuestras vidas cambio, cuando el par de individuos a mi se presento. Burgaña, Pulga, y? "Y?", no existe razon, valor, diccionario, enciclopedia, u otra forma de definicion que a tal simple letra significado le puedan dar, mas que claro para nosotros tres, "Quince Años de Amistad".
>>Sinceramente,>>>Carlos F. Lahrssen> (Tuto)
Ésto es sencillamente increible "...por el tiempo que queda y por el que pasó..." veintiséis años después y acá estamos juntos, prácticamente en la misma redoma; el tiempo que queda...
Bueno, un nota referente a la amistad, cortesía de Othman que no sé que pacto tendrá con Steve Case y logró excavar lo suficientement profundo para encontrar algo así. Por la amistad, por mis amigos, mis hermanos, y por Angelito que sencillamente hay que nombrar.
Un abrazo a todos y se les quiere profundamente, eternamente.
Tuto.38
21 Million
Seventh injection, mission accomplished. I think I survived the ordeal but I will not know until I get back! Getting back means getting half-way around the planet; it means a fifteen hour flight over the North Pole and then heading south to Miami. It is not a direct flight though, it's going to be a very long day. We start by traveling from Hangzhou to Shanghai (and I am writing this with fried noodles in my stomach and a fresh cup of green tea) which is about a two and a half hour drive. We will then fly from Shanghai to Atlanta, GA, and after a three-hour layover, we will fly to Miami. Total travel: 24 hours.
Well, on the good news now, Marujita had her injection just as if she had a bottle of whatever it is she drinks; slept before and continued sleeping after the treatment. I hope she will pull an all-nighter because last night I did not sleep that much.
We have watched three movies today because it is the only way to speed up the day. See, the closer the departure date, the slower the days. I can't concentrate so reading is a bit boring. I read three books anyways so I think I covered an important quota for this month.
Twenty one million cells have been transplanted into Marujita's system. What is next, you might ask. Well my friends, it is a waiting game. It is a time in which nothing but hope, optimism and positive mind will have to be our priorities. I feel very comfortable because with friends and family like you, I have no doubt this is an award-winning, happy ending story.
I will go flat on my back now, I'm really tired and for the first time in twenty nine days I actually feel the need for some sleep. But expect me to invite you home for green tea and have a chat. Someone mentioned when I get back, we should get together and have some whiskey. I need your help here, what is whiskey? How does it taste like? I think I heard about it before but nothing comes to mind right now.
I will leave you again with words that my favorite person alive, my dad, wrote to me some twenty five years ago. I know I already posted it, just want to keep on repeating it because every time I do, it makes more sense:
Yesterday is already a dream and tomorrow only a vision.
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
cflv
I leave you all for now, love you all unconditionally always and forever.
Tuto.38
Well, on the good news now, Marujita had her injection just as if she had a bottle of whatever it is she drinks; slept before and continued sleeping after the treatment. I hope she will pull an all-nighter because last night I did not sleep that much.
We have watched three movies today because it is the only way to speed up the day. See, the closer the departure date, the slower the days. I can't concentrate so reading is a bit boring. I read three books anyways so I think I covered an important quota for this month.
Twenty one million cells have been transplanted into Marujita's system. What is next, you might ask. Well my friends, it is a waiting game. It is a time in which nothing but hope, optimism and positive mind will have to be our priorities. I feel very comfortable because with friends and family like you, I have no doubt this is an award-winning, happy ending story.
I will go flat on my back now, I'm really tired and for the first time in twenty nine days I actually feel the need for some sleep. But expect me to invite you home for green tea and have a chat. Someone mentioned when I get back, we should get together and have some whiskey. I need your help here, what is whiskey? How does it taste like? I think I heard about it before but nothing comes to mind right now.
I will leave you again with words that my favorite person alive, my dad, wrote to me some twenty five years ago. I know I already posted it, just want to keep on repeating it because every time I do, it makes more sense:
Yesterday is already a dream and tomorrow only a vision.
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
cflv
I leave you all for now, love you all unconditionally always and forever.
Tuto.38
Monday, June 8, 2009
Massage in West Lake
I got my massage yesterday and it was both very good and very relaxing. There is a very nice place for all these kinds of treatments, near West Lake. The place is called Dragon Fly and although it is a high end massage therapeutic center, it is very inexpensive. As I mentioned before, it costs RMB135 which is around $21, and this for a full deep tissue, Japanese, one hour massage.
It is hard to tell if the lady was from Japan or China, but one thing is for sure: she was very tiny but had the strength of a big Norwegian woman. She could squeeze all those pressure points really hard, making my muscles almost feel numb and totally relaxed. If you haven't taken a massage, you should, specially if you feel any stress. The reason I am telling you is because you can feel when she starts putting some pressure on a specific area where the muscle feels tight, almost as if it had a knot. As she goes around that area, you can feel your muscle stretching out and almost becoming flat, back to its original shape and position. I am not sure of what amount of pressure is good, but every time she would ask if the pressure was OK, I would say yes; despite a little discomfort at first, it is worth all the while later. Perhaps even a massage goes buy the same principles I have written about before: To enjoy pleasure, you must experience pain. Well, it goes for a massage, no doubt there.
After the massage, we went to another local market to buy some presents to bring back, as well as more green tea and Jasmin tea. I have now an acquired taste for Chinese tea, and besides being very healthy, it is actually good. It was very warm and humid yesterday so we didn't spend much time there. We grabbed some dinner and headed back to the hospital.
I almost went crazy because I thought I lost my blackberry, which was later found on the driver's car and brought back to me. If you have a blackberry (and I don't mean a cell phone or an iphone, I mean a blackberry) you know what it feels like to loose it, specially being far away from home. The little time I can dedicate to work with my office in Miami, I do using my blackberry.
Marujita is doing good during daytime, but waking up in the middle of the night, every night. I have a problem, and it is that if I wake up in the middle of the night, it takes me about two hours to go back to sleep. There is not much to do around here at 3AM in the morning, not even reading because if I turn on the lights than nobody goes back to sleep.
Today I had to fill out a survey from Beike, the biotechnology company behind all this. I felt a little confused because based upon what the doctors have told us, we can see any improvements to start showing up between three and five months after treatments. The survey kept asking if I saw any improvements on different aspects and behaviors of Marujita; I guess that not everyone is the same, and since this is still an experimental procedure, anything can happen. Actually, CNN had a report on stem cell treatments outside the USA and basically telling that it makes no sense to pay for a treatment anywhere if it's something not proven yet. Well, I guess in the acronym CNN there is no "H" for hope; all numbers and figures, the US way of handling things. And of course, since all research and development was banned until recently when Obama lifted the ban, I guess they are realizing all the revenue they are loosing to international medical centers who have adapted this treatment and are conducting it on a commercial basis.
I don't know if I mentioned this before, but Duke University in North Carolina has spent years doing research on stem cell treatment, and they have treated kids with conditions similar to Marujita's. Well, we contacted them, applied for treatment and sent them all possible medical history records, including MRI and CT scans. Although they have successfully reversed the condition on some kids, we where rejected. Marujita did not fit the profile based upon their research criteria. What a waste don't you think? Being able to give someone the opportunity we all have but having to back up for some bureaucratic policies.
Anyways, we are here, she will have one last injection tomorrow before we leave on Friday. I really want to get back now, I am tired and I miss my life!
I took some video of part of West Lake. This is just one part of the lake, it is actually at least five times as big, but since I mention it so often, I took a short video for you to see how it looks like. You can see one of the Pagodas far behind, just as the video starts. There are several around the lake, as well as temples and museums. It is a very interesting place to come visit, if you don't mind the eternal flight over here. Also, I took some pictures of the park adjacent to the lake; it i very well taken care of and perfectly groomed everywhere.
Well, it's going to be a slow day today. We can't go out because she has an injection tomorrow. Besides it is raining outside so we might as well stay indoors.
I will meet you here next time, but for now, love you all unconditionally, always and forever.
Tuto.38
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Madrid, Montego Bay, Coffee and Gazpacho
It was a slow, warm and humid Sunday. It's starting to feel a lot like Miami around here, although we are not getting all the rain. We had a good night sleep last night, Marujita woke up only once and for a very short time so we went straight up to 10:30Am!
We went out to West Lake with the Klump's for lunch and some sight seeing. The truth is, it was way to warm and humid to just walk around, so we had lunch and went to the Shangri-La Hotel to check it out. Let me tell you, for a Shangri-La Hotel, I am completely disappointed; this looked more like your local Hampton Inn.
In any case, another funny thing happened today. We were walking around looking for a place to eat lunch, when we saw this place called Jamaica Coffee Shop. The outside menus had pictures of some good looking sandwiches, so we just got inside to check out the place. It looked like a normal coffee house, like any other Starbucks, so we went ahead and got a table. We got our menus, and to my surprise I found Spanish Tapas, a list of Spanish wines, Gazpacho, Paellas and Jamón Ibérico sandwiches! They even had Tortilla Española, but wait a second, Jamaica Coffee Shop? I am not pretty sure if geography is a subject they put interest too in school here, but as far as I know, Jamaica seats on the Caribbean while Spain, well you know where Spain is. It was funny, but I got myself some tortilla, a cold Sangria and a jamón ibérico sandwich. If anything, it was completely unexpected.
I'm going to tell you something, I am going to miss all of this when I go back home. Simple things are just popping out almost on a daily basis and I am truly having all the fun. Also, another group of Chinese ladies surrounded us to check out the babies. I might have some Chinese aura around me because they started talking to me in in Chinese. Well, very simple, for every time they looked at me and said (or asked...) something in Chinese, I answered in a longer sentence but in Spanish. So there we where, some five ladies in their early fifties talking to me in Chinese and I was just getting back in Spanish; sort of like walking into a Jamaican Coffee place and having a list of plates from Spain. Weird day, confusing.
Well, I will have to go flat on my back now. Even though tomorrow is kind of a slow day around here, I will go out for a massage so I have to wake up early to get through my daily routine fast. I am pretty sure I will have some story in relation to that massage; I don't no why, but things around here turn out to be different, like bizarre, something always happens!
Love you unconditionally, always and forever.
Tuto.38
We went out to West Lake with the Klump's for lunch and some sight seeing. The truth is, it was way to warm and humid to just walk around, so we had lunch and went to the Shangri-La Hotel to check it out. Let me tell you, for a Shangri-La Hotel, I am completely disappointed; this looked more like your local Hampton Inn.
In any case, another funny thing happened today. We were walking around looking for a place to eat lunch, when we saw this place called Jamaica Coffee Shop. The outside menus had pictures of some good looking sandwiches, so we just got inside to check out the place. It looked like a normal coffee house, like any other Starbucks, so we went ahead and got a table. We got our menus, and to my surprise I found Spanish Tapas, a list of Spanish wines, Gazpacho, Paellas and Jamón Ibérico sandwiches! They even had Tortilla Española, but wait a second, Jamaica Coffee Shop? I am not pretty sure if geography is a subject they put interest too in school here, but as far as I know, Jamaica seats on the Caribbean while Spain, well you know where Spain is. It was funny, but I got myself some tortilla, a cold Sangria and a jamón ibérico sandwich. If anything, it was completely unexpected.
I'm going to tell you something, I am going to miss all of this when I go back home. Simple things are just popping out almost on a daily basis and I am truly having all the fun. Also, another group of Chinese ladies surrounded us to check out the babies. I might have some Chinese aura around me because they started talking to me in in Chinese. Well, very simple, for every time they looked at me and said (or asked...) something in Chinese, I answered in a longer sentence but in Spanish. So there we where, some five ladies in their early fifties talking to me in Chinese and I was just getting back in Spanish; sort of like walking into a Jamaican Coffee place and having a list of plates from Spain. Weird day, confusing.
Well, I will have to go flat on my back now. Even though tomorrow is kind of a slow day around here, I will go out for a massage so I have to wake up early to get through my daily routine fast. I am pretty sure I will have some story in relation to that massage; I don't no why, but things around here turn out to be different, like bizarre, something always happens!
Love you unconditionally, always and forever.
Tuto.38
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Not Much, Just Bauer on 24
We've been watching 24 all day, not much a do here today. We couldn't go out because she had an injection yesterday, so we will go out all day tomorrow Sunday.
She had a great night of sleep, so we did too! I woke up at 10.30AM, and here that is so far a record. Most of the week is going to be slow because she will have her next injection next Wednesday. She will have her regular therapies, including acupuncture, on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday; Friday we are on for the fifteen hour flight to Atlanta and from there to Miami. It would be a very long day and the twelve hour difference will make it, well, twelve hours longer.
So I will see you here tomorrow; I will try to take as much pictures as possible from West Lake so you can have an idea of how it looks like. We will do some local market shopping and probably head down to the Shangri-la Hotel for drinks.
Love you all unconditionally, always and forever.
Tuto.38
She had a great night of sleep, so we did too! I woke up at 10.30AM, and here that is so far a record. Most of the week is going to be slow because she will have her next injection next Wednesday. She will have her regular therapies, including acupuncture, on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday; Friday we are on for the fifteen hour flight to Atlanta and from there to Miami. It would be a very long day and the twelve hour difference will make it, well, twelve hours longer.
So I will see you here tomorrow; I will try to take as much pictures as possible from West Lake so you can have an idea of how it looks like. We will do some local market shopping and probably head down to the Shangri-la Hotel for drinks.
Love you all unconditionally, always and forever.
Tuto.38
Friday, June 5, 2009
One More and Off We Go
Marujita had her sixth injection today, and everything went as planned. No crying, no pain, the proces took no longer than fifteen minutes. However, she did not sleep well last night, so neither did we. I don't know if all those fifteen million cells working there have anything to do with her poor sleep. She is not hyper or has any kind of insomnia, she just goes to sleep and wakes up very often crying. It's as if something is hurting but I have asked her sevent five million times and no answer yet, she does not pay attention to me!
We didn't come here to sleep and this is not a hotel. We just have to carry with these events as they come; eventually, everything will be alright. At least we will be back home very soon and getting back our normal lives will help us plenty. The bad thing about not sleeping is that I can't seem to organize my thoughts and it takes a deal to concentrate and read. I am trying to relax through other methods of reading by going into news web sites and other blogs. This way, I can read short paragraphs, dedicate my attention and when I loose interest I can stand up and walk and do it again later. By the way, I have been reading news about my country, Venezuela, and it seems things are getting far worse. I feel pretty bad because I had the opportunity of spending some 23 years in my country and I had the chance to enjoy almost everything it has to offer; still do actually. But I feel bad because that is not the case for many of Venezuelans and that is just not right. I do not know anything about politics, it has never been my field of interest, but anyone can see how a single person destroys a country on his own agenda.
I would like to tell you about a web site I use to read the news because it is so convenient you might want to give it a try. It's called DailyMe (www.dailyme.com) and it belongs to two good friends of mine, Eduardo Hauser and José A. Zozaya. Basically it allows me to preselect which kind of news I want delivered to my inbox in a perfect .pdf format. You select an industry or a subject and then utilize keywords to tag those news that are of your interest. For example, if you are into technology, you would select: Technology>Software>Hardware> Cisco>Apple, and every time there is an article from a source they utilize (and they do have plenty) it will be on your news brief. Give it a try, it's easy to use and it's free.
OK, back to me now. I am going a bit crazy I think. I am talking to my computer. I love the classical board game, Backgammon, and there is a free version that comes installed on apple computers which is so good. Now, the thing is that you play against the computer but with a virtual opponent, Luna. There is a point in the game where I can't move my chips if she had played it right and when I do so, she goes: ñañañañaña! Like a baby, and today Alejandra caught me giving her the finger and cursing back at her. I am starting to think that this treatment will balance in terms of the results; it will reverse Marujita's condition but it will drive me crazy! the worst part is that there is no stem cell treatment for nut heads, so I guess I will end up in a mental hospital. It's just another bad joke, but I am in fact talking back to Luna.
Our friend Brad from next door left today. He has a condition that is totally degenerative and stem cell treatments can promise so much. However, he is a young man with all the will and faith to have come to China for treatment and for that I am very proud of him. Sometimes we feel bad, like the world is on our shoulders. It can be a bad relationship, problems at work or just a simple bad and crappy day. But let me the one to tell you, there are people with greater problems than that and are still pushing forward, stopping for no reason. they don't care if doctors said this or said that, they saw a tiny light at the end of the tunnel and the stepped on the pedal. I think we all have to think about this because we cannot let the small stuff ruin our day, and let alone our lives. Things are out there which we do not control, we have to learn to accept them and learn from them. If you want to feel pleasure, you have to experience pain. If you want to see the light, you must experience darkness first. And so the story goes and I think you get the picture, so let's try this and see what happens!
A homeless came knocking on some wealthy person's house. It took a couple of minutes before someone answered the door. Finally, this individual opens the door, dressed in a well built expensive black suit, and asks the poor man "Who are you and what do you want? Why are you knocking on my door? And the homeless answered "Sir, I am sorry if I disturbed you in the middle of the day, but can you spare me with some food and water, I am very hungry." Completely amazed by the situation, the wealthy man answered "Why should I give you anything old man if I don't even know who you are; nobody here knows who you are." The poor man looked down, as if lost, but suddenly lifted his face and saw the rich guy straight into the eye and said "But I know me sir, and I know myself, and that is far better than anything else. What good would it be if everyone around here knew me, including you, but I would not know myself?"
There is no end to this story, just a small reflection on what the world has put us to believe and to follow. I just wanted to tell it, it helps me think that if we don't know ourselves, if we do not recognize our face in the mirror, it's going to be tough to live and enjoy a happy life. I've said it before, we have to start giving and loving ourselves before we even try to give it out. It is hard, it is taking me lots of internal resources to start getting close to this, but I will try and I will succeed. It looks like a very rewarding task!
I hope Marujita has a good night sleep today so everyone can rest. In any case, she has to be tired the next day if she doesn't get any sleep, so it will be good for everyone. Tomorrow is Saturday, and it will be a slow day for us as she doesn't have acupuncture or any therapy until 11AM. We can't go out because like I said before, she can't go out one day before or after the treatment, so I will try some reading, to relax during the day. On Sunday we have to go out, we have to clear up our minds and breathe some fresh air. I think I will have a massage, after all, it is very inexpensive here even in a very nice place. A one-hour massage at a nice spa goes for RMB 135, which it's about $21 give or take.
So, until we meet next, love you all unconditionally always and forever.
Tuto.38
We didn't come here to sleep and this is not a hotel. We just have to carry with these events as they come; eventually, everything will be alright. At least we will be back home very soon and getting back our normal lives will help us plenty. The bad thing about not sleeping is that I can't seem to organize my thoughts and it takes a deal to concentrate and read. I am trying to relax through other methods of reading by going into news web sites and other blogs. This way, I can read short paragraphs, dedicate my attention and when I loose interest I can stand up and walk and do it again later. By the way, I have been reading news about my country, Venezuela, and it seems things are getting far worse. I feel pretty bad because I had the opportunity of spending some 23 years in my country and I had the chance to enjoy almost everything it has to offer; still do actually. But I feel bad because that is not the case for many of Venezuelans and that is just not right. I do not know anything about politics, it has never been my field of interest, but anyone can see how a single person destroys a country on his own agenda.
I would like to tell you about a web site I use to read the news because it is so convenient you might want to give it a try. It's called DailyMe (www.dailyme.com) and it belongs to two good friends of mine, Eduardo Hauser and José A. Zozaya. Basically it allows me to preselect which kind of news I want delivered to my inbox in a perfect .pdf format. You select an industry or a subject and then utilize keywords to tag those news that are of your interest. For example, if you are into technology, you would select: Technology>Software>Hardware> Cisco>Apple, and every time there is an article from a source they utilize (and they do have plenty) it will be on your news brief. Give it a try, it's easy to use and it's free.
OK, back to me now. I am going a bit crazy I think. I am talking to my computer. I love the classical board game, Backgammon, and there is a free version that comes installed on apple computers which is so good. Now, the thing is that you play against the computer but with a virtual opponent, Luna. There is a point in the game where I can't move my chips if she had played it right and when I do so, she goes: ñañañañaña! Like a baby, and today Alejandra caught me giving her the finger and cursing back at her. I am starting to think that this treatment will balance in terms of the results; it will reverse Marujita's condition but it will drive me crazy! the worst part is that there is no stem cell treatment for nut heads, so I guess I will end up in a mental hospital. It's just another bad joke, but I am in fact talking back to Luna.
Our friend Brad from next door left today. He has a condition that is totally degenerative and stem cell treatments can promise so much. However, he is a young man with all the will and faith to have come to China for treatment and for that I am very proud of him. Sometimes we feel bad, like the world is on our shoulders. It can be a bad relationship, problems at work or just a simple bad and crappy day. But let me the one to tell you, there are people with greater problems than that and are still pushing forward, stopping for no reason. they don't care if doctors said this or said that, they saw a tiny light at the end of the tunnel and the stepped on the pedal. I think we all have to think about this because we cannot let the small stuff ruin our day, and let alone our lives. Things are out there which we do not control, we have to learn to accept them and learn from them. If you want to feel pleasure, you have to experience pain. If you want to see the light, you must experience darkness first. And so the story goes and I think you get the picture, so let's try this and see what happens!
A homeless came knocking on some wealthy person's house. It took a couple of minutes before someone answered the door. Finally, this individual opens the door, dressed in a well built expensive black suit, and asks the poor man "Who are you and what do you want? Why are you knocking on my door? And the homeless answered "Sir, I am sorry if I disturbed you in the middle of the day, but can you spare me with some food and water, I am very hungry." Completely amazed by the situation, the wealthy man answered "Why should I give you anything old man if I don't even know who you are; nobody here knows who you are." The poor man looked down, as if lost, but suddenly lifted his face and saw the rich guy straight into the eye and said "But I know me sir, and I know myself, and that is far better than anything else. What good would it be if everyone around here knew me, including you, but I would not know myself?"
There is no end to this story, just a small reflection on what the world has put us to believe and to follow. I just wanted to tell it, it helps me think that if we don't know ourselves, if we do not recognize our face in the mirror, it's going to be tough to live and enjoy a happy life. I've said it before, we have to start giving and loving ourselves before we even try to give it out. It is hard, it is taking me lots of internal resources to start getting close to this, but I will try and I will succeed. It looks like a very rewarding task!
I hope Marujita has a good night sleep today so everyone can rest. In any case, she has to be tired the next day if she doesn't get any sleep, so it will be good for everyone. Tomorrow is Saturday, and it will be a slow day for us as she doesn't have acupuncture or any therapy until 11AM. We can't go out because like I said before, she can't go out one day before or after the treatment, so I will try some reading, to relax during the day. On Sunday we have to go out, we have to clear up our minds and breathe some fresh air. I think I will have a massage, after all, it is very inexpensive here even in a very nice place. A one-hour massage at a nice spa goes for RMB 135, which it's about $21 give or take.
So, until we meet next, love you all unconditionally always and forever.
Tuto.38
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Days Go Slower and Slower
It seems time is taking some time because days, hours, minutes don't seem to pass. Most of our friends have returned home already and it's only four of us who usually get together to go out. The new people that have arrived here are from different countries and do not socialize at all. I guess that there are no more families with kids so it's a little different. When we got here, we where five families with kids and basically treating our kids for the exact same condition.
We went out last night to a local market where we could find Chinese arts and crafts among other stuff. I have become a fan of green tea, so I bought different kinds to try them out. I bought green tea as well as Jasmin tea which in particular caught my attention. The Jasmin tea comes from a flower, so basically the tea consists of the dried flower that looks almost like a little ball, a marble perhaps, but when mixed with hot water it opens up and delivers the flavor. It is very good and I was told it is very healthy.
The main difference with the tea they drink here is that forget about the little tea bags where the crushed leave is inside. Here, you will find the leaves themselves and sometimes seeds that you just mix directly with water. There are of course drinking cups in which you put these tea leaves inside a filter so you don't end up chewing them. Not the case with me, I am drinking green tea a la Chinese, leaves and all floating around my glass. I feel I am going to get some between my teeth and end up looking as if I ate guacamole with too much cilantro. Do you get the picture? Imagine one smiling after that!
A funny thing happened yesterday and I had to capture it on video. Remember how I mentioned that for the Chinese we are completely strange people and that they will stare at you just as if you where Matt Damon walking by Sawgrass Mall any given Sunday? Well, it happened to us yesterday, but they don't just stare at you, they gather and block you and start taking pictures and everything, it's very weird but very interesting to experience. Some even want to touch the babies which we of course do not allow; it is not a racism reaction, is just that we don't know where those hands have been, specially with a flu going around. First there is a picture of how the local market looked like, then the video so you can understand what I'm saying:
Marujita is having her sixth stem cell treatment tomorrow (fifth spinal), and the last one will take place next Wednesday. I guess everything will be good because she can be properly sedated now and shouldn't feel a thing. All I hope is that she will sleep because if she sleeps, we sleep; if she doesn't sleep, we don't sleep, very simple. And FYI, I think I have slept not interrupted two nights only, so I will take revenge when I get back to Miami. I'm tired, really tired.
Here's a picture with one of the nurses (there must be around twelve in total) taken on the night we had a little party for Pedro who was going back home the next day.
We went out last night to a local market where we could find Chinese arts and crafts among other stuff. I have become a fan of green tea, so I bought different kinds to try them out. I bought green tea as well as Jasmin tea which in particular caught my attention. The Jasmin tea comes from a flower, so basically the tea consists of the dried flower that looks almost like a little ball, a marble perhaps, but when mixed with hot water it opens up and delivers the flavor. It is very good and I was told it is very healthy.
The main difference with the tea they drink here is that forget about the little tea bags where the crushed leave is inside. Here, you will find the leaves themselves and sometimes seeds that you just mix directly with water. There are of course drinking cups in which you put these tea leaves inside a filter so you don't end up chewing them. Not the case with me, I am drinking green tea a la Chinese, leaves and all floating around my glass. I feel I am going to get some between my teeth and end up looking as if I ate guacamole with too much cilantro. Do you get the picture? Imagine one smiling after that!
A funny thing happened yesterday and I had to capture it on video. Remember how I mentioned that for the Chinese we are completely strange people and that they will stare at you just as if you where Matt Damon walking by Sawgrass Mall any given Sunday? Well, it happened to us yesterday, but they don't just stare at you, they gather and block you and start taking pictures and everything, it's very weird but very interesting to experience. Some even want to touch the babies which we of course do not allow; it is not a racism reaction, is just that we don't know where those hands have been, specially with a flu going around. First there is a picture of how the local market looked like, then the video so you can understand what I'm saying:
After going shopping around there, we went to a pizzeria located on West Lake. This is the same place we went for lunch last Sunday but let me tell you, there are few places where you can have a pizza as they do in this place! It's a thin crust, oven baked to perfection with just the enough amount of cheese and toppings. After all, I have to let go of the Chinese food for a while, it's what I have for lunch and dinner almost everyday at the hospital. By the way something I didn't mention before and you might be asking, is why do we spend so much time at the hospital when there are no injections. They have restrictions in terms of us going out one day before and one day after an injection, so we have to take advantage of those days that allow us to go out. The treatments for stem cell transplantation are done only Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, so if we have treatment tomorrow, we can't go out today or Saturday.
Another thing I discovered is the rooftop access for this hospital, so I went up there and took a short video of how this part of Hangzhou looks like. This area is called Xiaoshan and it is within the city of Hangzhou.
Marujita is having her sixth stem cell treatment tomorrow (fifth spinal), and the last one will take place next Wednesday. I guess everything will be good because she can be properly sedated now and shouldn't feel a thing. All I hope is that she will sleep because if she sleeps, we sleep; if she doesn't sleep, we don't sleep, very simple. And FYI, I think I have slept not interrupted two nights only, so I will take revenge when I get back to Miami. I'm tired, really tired.
Here's a picture with one of the nurses (there must be around twelve in total) taken on the night we had a little party for Pedro who was going back home the next day.
All I can say right now is that I miss my kids very bad. I miss my family, I miss my friends, my house, my bed, my shower, my car, my office, damn, I miss everything so much! Hopefully this eight days remaining will pass quickly so we can go back home and rest for the weekend while we get our lives back to schedule. It took me around three days to get used to the twelve hour difference, and I am not expecting something different once we are back in Miami.
I will tell you all about the spinal tomorrow, but for now, love you all unconditionally, always and forever.
Tuto.38
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
For Those on Flight 447
It was a very sad night, one that did not allow me to sleep as much. My thoughts where with the passengers and crew of Air France Flight 447, which disappeared mid air and apparently crashed into the Atlantic Ocean. For up to the time I am writing this, there are no confirmed reasons for such a terrible accident taking the lives of 228 people on their journey to Paris.
I've been reading a lot on the subject of fear. As you might have read on past blogs, I've described in a very simple way the differences between being a coward or a courageous person and that both bring about the same amount of fear. According to Osho's thoughts a person who's is afraid of dying, who is scared about death cannot live a happy life. He describes death as part of the process and compares the unexplained afterlife with the magic of birth. Basically, when were we born? The moment we came out and the doctor slapped our cheek, the second we were conceived, when? It is a valid question but the uncertainty of death still remains stronger on our thoughts. He emphasizes on the fact that those afraid of death will not live a fruitful life because it is pointless to avoid death; it will eventually reach us all.
I kept on thinking about it last night. Yes, I will focus on the present, I will lead a happy life and I will not let things I cannot control affect me. But what about family and friends of those victims, how are they supposed to manage such a loss? How can they accept this as part of their lives, what about their aligned universe? If things happen for a reason, what could they possibly think will come about all this? I could not stop thinking and I wanted to cry so hard. My mind would not stop processing, it would not stop thinking and I am not pretty sure how much or what will I get from this experience. I thought about it as some sort of meditation, but how can you engage in a sadly meditation, one that does not allow you to focus? It was hard, and still is.
I guess that this whole experience of coming to China has let open a big whole on my vulnerability allowance. I have heard about tragedies before, much worse things have happen and more suffering has been involved. I have experience a huge loss myself, but for some reason, this kept banging on my door consistently and predominantly. I wanted to sleep but at the same time I didn't. I let pain come in completely welcomed, I understood the reason and I accepted it. Although this does not relate directly to me, and thank God it did not, I felt for everyone who will be permanently affected by this terrible accident.
All I hope now is for the reason to be found, what caused the airplane to crash, for the famous "black box" to appear so those affected can start closing this chapter in their lives. Also, for the safety of future travel because this is something that we will continue to do, regardless.
I am pretty sure that you have heard that traveling by commercial airplanes is much safer than driving a car. That the probability of getting in an accident on your way to the airport are far greater than that involving your flight. In the past ten years, the probabilities of air travel accidents has reduced dramatically, from a 1.8 in a million to 0.4 in a million. That is great to hear. Does it make me feel better, not at all. Is it going to make friends and families of the victims feel better, safer, I don't think so.
So today I take my time and abuse your own, to dedicate our thoughts to these people. To the ones who left their beautiful lives and for the ones who were waiting for them. It is a horrible and sad story, but we cannot ignore it. It happened to them and it happened to us. No matter if you pray, meditate, talk with your loved ones or simply write about it, we need to think about this for a moment and we have to thank for the opportunity we where given to enjoy this beautiful life.
Simple things was the title of my previous blog. This is such a turnover, a one-eighty you might say, because this is no simple thing, this is huge. All we can do is live our present, forget our past and do not think about the future. All we can do is live; do not conjugate the verb, leave it alone.
For the first time I will like for everyone, and I really mean everyone to please write a little paragraph on the comment area of my blog. Regardless if you want to express yourself in English or Spanish (or "spanglish" for that matter) I kindly ask for you to do so. It will not only help yourself, it will allow others to see things from different perspectives, helping each other.
I will leave you with these thoughts and thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to read my blog, it truly means a big deal to me.
Love you unconditionally, always and forever.
Tuto.38
I've been reading a lot on the subject of fear. As you might have read on past blogs, I've described in a very simple way the differences between being a coward or a courageous person and that both bring about the same amount of fear. According to Osho's thoughts a person who's is afraid of dying, who is scared about death cannot live a happy life. He describes death as part of the process and compares the unexplained afterlife with the magic of birth. Basically, when were we born? The moment we came out and the doctor slapped our cheek, the second we were conceived, when? It is a valid question but the uncertainty of death still remains stronger on our thoughts. He emphasizes on the fact that those afraid of death will not live a fruitful life because it is pointless to avoid death; it will eventually reach us all.
I kept on thinking about it last night. Yes, I will focus on the present, I will lead a happy life and I will not let things I cannot control affect me. But what about family and friends of those victims, how are they supposed to manage such a loss? How can they accept this as part of their lives, what about their aligned universe? If things happen for a reason, what could they possibly think will come about all this? I could not stop thinking and I wanted to cry so hard. My mind would not stop processing, it would not stop thinking and I am not pretty sure how much or what will I get from this experience. I thought about it as some sort of meditation, but how can you engage in a sadly meditation, one that does not allow you to focus? It was hard, and still is.
I guess that this whole experience of coming to China has let open a big whole on my vulnerability allowance. I have heard about tragedies before, much worse things have happen and more suffering has been involved. I have experience a huge loss myself, but for some reason, this kept banging on my door consistently and predominantly. I wanted to sleep but at the same time I didn't. I let pain come in completely welcomed, I understood the reason and I accepted it. Although this does not relate directly to me, and thank God it did not, I felt for everyone who will be permanently affected by this terrible accident.
All I hope now is for the reason to be found, what caused the airplane to crash, for the famous "black box" to appear so those affected can start closing this chapter in their lives. Also, for the safety of future travel because this is something that we will continue to do, regardless.
I am pretty sure that you have heard that traveling by commercial airplanes is much safer than driving a car. That the probability of getting in an accident on your way to the airport are far greater than that involving your flight. In the past ten years, the probabilities of air travel accidents has reduced dramatically, from a 1.8 in a million to 0.4 in a million. That is great to hear. Does it make me feel better, not at all. Is it going to make friends and families of the victims feel better, safer, I don't think so.
So today I take my time and abuse your own, to dedicate our thoughts to these people. To the ones who left their beautiful lives and for the ones who were waiting for them. It is a horrible and sad story, but we cannot ignore it. It happened to them and it happened to us. No matter if you pray, meditate, talk with your loved ones or simply write about it, we need to think about this for a moment and we have to thank for the opportunity we where given to enjoy this beautiful life.
Simple things was the title of my previous blog. This is such a turnover, a one-eighty you might say, because this is no simple thing, this is huge. All we can do is live our present, forget our past and do not think about the future. All we can do is live; do not conjugate the verb, leave it alone.
For the first time I will like for everyone, and I really mean everyone to please write a little paragraph on the comment area of my blog. Regardless if you want to express yourself in English or Spanish (or "spanglish" for that matter) I kindly ask for you to do so. It will not only help yourself, it will allow others to see things from different perspectives, helping each other.
I will leave you with these thoughts and thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to read my blog, it truly means a big deal to me.
Love you unconditionally, always and forever.
Tuto.38
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Simple Things
Simple things
We take pleasure in the simple things
We take pride in little victories
And we wear our simple crowns
And we wear our simple crowns
Oh, tugs of war, we battle ships and thunderstorms
And naked is our uniform
It’s our simple hand-me-down
It's just blows my mind off when you experience the laws of attraction. If you haven't read "The Secret" or watched the movie/documentary, laws of attraction means that all that we really desire and everything we set our positive minds to, we attract, it will come a reality. Basically, we attract all those things we put our heart and trust into; you must picture yourself in your mind, experiencing that which you want, and it will be yours, guaranteed. That is the simplest way to describe it I believe, but let me tell you it has surprised me more than once and it's a very fascinating thing to happen. You must believe though, you have to trust it will become a reality for it to present itself, but it does happens. Give it a try, start by watching the documentary and see for yourself that such a simple concept really works.
It works for both your material conscious mind as well as for your subjective subconscious mind. What I mean by that is, that if you want something so hard and constantly believe it will be yours, it will happen. But most importantly, the subjective part of your mind also works in the same way. If all you give is love, positiveness, optimism, truth, respect for others, this will come back at you when you least expected.
The paragraph on the beginning of this blog is a part of a song from a very talented writer and singer that I met via youtube.com. She has probably been posting videos for a long time, but it was now that I came across her music. I was not searching for anything specific, I was looking for a video that showed the guitar tabs for a song I want to learn how to play on my guitar. And for some reason, there she was; there was her music and her amazing talent, presented to me in a completely random pattern. The lyrics can not be more true, and the feeling of peace and positive mind that her music provides is something amazing, very relaxing. Her name is Amy Kuney, and if you search youtube.com for her songs, you will too be amazed.
Simple things. How many times do we take those for granted, but yet when we pay attention, it makes such an impact. I can't say this enough because for the fact that they are simple, we ignore them. Calling an old friend, enjoying a fresh squeezed orange juice instead of one from a bottle, greeting someone you don't know, writing your thoughts in a piece of paper. Simple things, yet so powerful. Go ahead, try your own version and see what happens. Live it, enjoy it, embrace it. It will make your day, I will guarantee that because it has happened to me and you and I are not different. We are both human beings who deserve a happy and gracious life. We are not machines, we have feelings and we have senses, we must exploit these senses.
I believe the universe is completely aligned with us, don't let the fear of the uncertain slow you down. After all, an uncertain simple thing has to be completely harmless, no bad can come out of it. It is its nature, its way of being and existing, no more, no less.
Marujita had a great night, she slept almost all the way through, waking up at about 6AM. But it's good because in this far away side of the world, the sun comes out at 5AM. One thing I can notice and I have no idea if its got to do with progress, is watching her smile. I think I saw her smile once, but never before. Her mood is loosing up and probably she will develop more social skills in time. Well, she has to, it's her job in this planet just by carrying that name. She has to be hyper, not letting people talk; she has to be on top of everything and everyone, just as her beautiful and loving grandmother. There is no other choice, her universe is aligned, but this time, aligned to the spirit of the most fun living person I have ever met. And I am so proud to be her son, I cannot start describing it, it will take a whole book.
Simple things; sometimes a smile is such a simple thing, but what a difference!
It works for both your material conscious mind as well as for your subjective subconscious mind. What I mean by that is, that if you want something so hard and constantly believe it will be yours, it will happen. But most importantly, the subjective part of your mind also works in the same way. If all you give is love, positiveness, optimism, truth, respect for others, this will come back at you when you least expected.
The paragraph on the beginning of this blog is a part of a song from a very talented writer and singer that I met via youtube.com. She has probably been posting videos for a long time, but it was now that I came across her music. I was not searching for anything specific, I was looking for a video that showed the guitar tabs for a song I want to learn how to play on my guitar. And for some reason, there she was; there was her music and her amazing talent, presented to me in a completely random pattern. The lyrics can not be more true, and the feeling of peace and positive mind that her music provides is something amazing, very relaxing. Her name is Amy Kuney, and if you search youtube.com for her songs, you will too be amazed.
Simple things. How many times do we take those for granted, but yet when we pay attention, it makes such an impact. I can't say this enough because for the fact that they are simple, we ignore them. Calling an old friend, enjoying a fresh squeezed orange juice instead of one from a bottle, greeting someone you don't know, writing your thoughts in a piece of paper. Simple things, yet so powerful. Go ahead, try your own version and see what happens. Live it, enjoy it, embrace it. It will make your day, I will guarantee that because it has happened to me and you and I are not different. We are both human beings who deserve a happy and gracious life. We are not machines, we have feelings and we have senses, we must exploit these senses.
I believe the universe is completely aligned with us, don't let the fear of the uncertain slow you down. After all, an uncertain simple thing has to be completely harmless, no bad can come out of it. It is its nature, its way of being and existing, no more, no less.
Marujita had a great night, she slept almost all the way through, waking up at about 6AM. But it's good because in this far away side of the world, the sun comes out at 5AM. One thing I can notice and I have no idea if its got to do with progress, is watching her smile. I think I saw her smile once, but never before. Her mood is loosing up and probably she will develop more social skills in time. Well, she has to, it's her job in this planet just by carrying that name. She has to be hyper, not letting people talk; she has to be on top of everything and everyone, just as her beautiful and loving grandmother. There is no other choice, her universe is aligned, but this time, aligned to the spirit of the most fun living person I have ever met. And I am so proud to be her son, I cannot start describing it, it will take a whole book.
Simple things; sometimes a smile is such a simple thing, but what a difference!
Tonight we have a little party for our friend Pedro who is going back home tomorrow. He is done with his boy's seven injections and ready to go back; lucky him! I will be cooking for every one tonight and I have chosen a mix no different than the place we are now. Remember Marco Polo was the first western person to come to this place, he called it "City of Heaven"? Well, in honor of Pedro, all the staff at the hospital, Marco Polo himself and all our friends, I will cook a Chinese-Italian dish. Basically, this will be a tomato-based cheese sauce, but instead of regular pasta, of course, Chinese noodles! I will tell you all bout it tomorrow, I have no idea what's going to come out of this. Chinese people are not very cheese-like, so finding a good cheese is almost impossible. I came with an idea and I hope it works, otherwise it's going to be dog food. No wait, there are no dogs in China, can anyone tell me why?
As usual, love you all unconditionally, always and forever!
Tuto.38
Monday, June 1, 2009
To Have Courage. To be a Coward.
Today I was reading a book on the subject of being afraid, the feeling of being a coward or being courageous. It is very interesting because both are considered by some, a feeling of being afraid. It is a quite complicated subject but it can be explained in simple way, or at least the way I could understand it seems to be very simple.
Basically, the difference between a coward or a courageous state of mind does not lie on the fact that the first is about being afraid and the second of being intrepid, both feel the same amount of fear. So where is the difference you might ask. The difference is that the courageous moves forward despite feeling afraid, whereas the coward freezes because of being afraid; both experience the same amount of fear. How can a courageous person not feel fear? He would have to be a machine not a human being. Only machines lack such feelings and how can you describe a machine of being afraid?
To be courageous only means that despite the fear, he can act, he can move. They utilize fear as a bridge and does not stop for the unknown. On the other hand, to be a coward means to stop, to be static, it destroys the essence, it destroys the possibility of resurrection.
Life is full of uncertainties; every step we take, every move we make is another step towards the uncertain. It's like a bet where nobody will know the results. But the fact of not knowing, the simple fact of stepping into the uncertain, the unknown, is just beauty at its core. If our lives were predictable, what's the fun in that? It would make no sense to be here, to live, to experience. We would not be human beings, we would be machines; there is certainty only for the machines. As human beings we are free, and freedom implies uncertainty and insecurity. We must be ready to respond, that is what "responsibility" is all about. It is not an obligation, it is our capacity to respond, to make decisions and to respond.
So why am I getting so deep into the matter? Very simple. I feel I made a decision that will impact my life. I feel I made a decision that will impact someone else's life. And it was not easy, I felt scared, I felt the uncertainty lying beneath myself; I was afraid, and by being afraid it will all pay off. It might pay off in the long term, but it will pay off. The courage inside me was able to beat the coward when I was presented with the uncertain, with the unknown. I stepped forward, I moved, I made a decision, I felt responsible. All this will help me to grow on the inside and more importantly, on the outside so I will have the ability to help others.
I have received messages from some friends telling me I was very courageous just by coming to this place. But let me tell you, and do not even hesitate for a second, you would've done the same thing! So guess what, we are already much the same, and I am very happy for that. I want to share with you all my thoughts in relation to my experience because even as yours might be different, all the principles are aligned; the courage and the coward inside us are present, and I know you will make the right decision. You will be responsible. And I feel the responsibility to share this with you.
Well, enough with life strategies, let's focus on the local events. Marujita had her spinal injection today, and she behaved like a champ. The needle for the IV went in pretty fast and she did not complain as much. The two sedatives did their job as she went almost numb immediately after they where supplied (one goes through the IV). The doctor said she took the spinal injection very good; she did not move nor complained during the procedure. I guess that leaves us with two more spinal injections for her before we start playing the waiting game. The next spinal will be given next Friday June 5TH, followed by the last one on June 10TH. That will leave her with a total of six spinal injections and one IV which if you remember, was the first one she took.
Our friend Mike from California just gave me another video which he took last Saturday at the zoo. This is not about feeding live birds to other animals, this is actually feeding the bears with carrots. This video is particular in that I threw a piece of carrot and the bear catches it in mid air, just as a trained dog. Take a look.
Basically, the difference between a coward or a courageous state of mind does not lie on the fact that the first is about being afraid and the second of being intrepid, both feel the same amount of fear. So where is the difference you might ask. The difference is that the courageous moves forward despite feeling afraid, whereas the coward freezes because of being afraid; both experience the same amount of fear. How can a courageous person not feel fear? He would have to be a machine not a human being. Only machines lack such feelings and how can you describe a machine of being afraid?
To be courageous only means that despite the fear, he can act, he can move. They utilize fear as a bridge and does not stop for the unknown. On the other hand, to be a coward means to stop, to be static, it destroys the essence, it destroys the possibility of resurrection.
Life is full of uncertainties; every step we take, every move we make is another step towards the uncertain. It's like a bet where nobody will know the results. But the fact of not knowing, the simple fact of stepping into the uncertain, the unknown, is just beauty at its core. If our lives were predictable, what's the fun in that? It would make no sense to be here, to live, to experience. We would not be human beings, we would be machines; there is certainty only for the machines. As human beings we are free, and freedom implies uncertainty and insecurity. We must be ready to respond, that is what "responsibility" is all about. It is not an obligation, it is our capacity to respond, to make decisions and to respond.
So why am I getting so deep into the matter? Very simple. I feel I made a decision that will impact my life. I feel I made a decision that will impact someone else's life. And it was not easy, I felt scared, I felt the uncertainty lying beneath myself; I was afraid, and by being afraid it will all pay off. It might pay off in the long term, but it will pay off. The courage inside me was able to beat the coward when I was presented with the uncertain, with the unknown. I stepped forward, I moved, I made a decision, I felt responsible. All this will help me to grow on the inside and more importantly, on the outside so I will have the ability to help others.
I have received messages from some friends telling me I was very courageous just by coming to this place. But let me tell you, and do not even hesitate for a second, you would've done the same thing! So guess what, we are already much the same, and I am very happy for that. I want to share with you all my thoughts in relation to my experience because even as yours might be different, all the principles are aligned; the courage and the coward inside us are present, and I know you will make the right decision. You will be responsible. And I feel the responsibility to share this with you.
Well, enough with life strategies, let's focus on the local events. Marujita had her spinal injection today, and she behaved like a champ. The needle for the IV went in pretty fast and she did not complain as much. The two sedatives did their job as she went almost numb immediately after they where supplied (one goes through the IV). The doctor said she took the spinal injection very good; she did not move nor complained during the procedure. I guess that leaves us with two more spinal injections for her before we start playing the waiting game. The next spinal will be given next Friday June 5TH, followed by the last one on June 10TH. That will leave her with a total of six spinal injections and one IV which if you remember, was the first one she took.
Our friend Mike from California just gave me another video which he took last Saturday at the zoo. This is not about feeding live birds to other animals, this is actually feeding the bears with carrots. This video is particular in that I threw a piece of carrot and the bear catches it in mid air, just as a trained dog. Take a look.
I truly appreciate all your support and constant messages of optimism. I can't say this enough. I am forever grateful to everyone for this, and I really want to thank you today.
Love you unconditionally, always and forever.
Tuto.38
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